THEATER! ! !
by Hyper Riceball
Summary: A seriously messed-up fic about a group date to the movie theater, by me and my friend Lexie. Pairings: SasuNaru, ZakuDosu, GaaraLee.


DISCLAIMER: IT. DOES. NOT. BEEELOOOONG. TO. US.

Hyper Riceball: This fic is written not only by MEEEE, but by my buddy Lexie! We share the wonderful interest in yaoi so we thought this would be fun. No, not fun. FUNKEH.

Lexie: We're both high off life and drunk off air so this might not make sense.

Hyper Riceball: Yes. Moo.

A story about SasuNaru, ZakuDosu, and GaaraLee. Har har har.

New vocabulary word for you to know: Fark. it means fuck.

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Once upon a time in the wee little land of Leaf, Uchiha Sasuke asked to his uke-uke Uzumaki Naruto ". . . .do you wanna go to the movies?. . . . . ."

"OH MY GOD I DIDN'T THINK YOU'D EVER ASK I'M SO COOL AND YOU THINK I'M YOUR SEXY BITCH! I FEEL SO HONORED" Naruto squealed. "CUZ YOU'RE SEXY TOO! HEEHEEHEE"

Sasuke didn't expect this answer to be so INTENSE. . . .and quick. ". . . . .um. . . . okay. What do you wanna see"

"Why don't we go see that new scary movie, Sasuke" Naruto said cuz you just know he wants to be all like OH SASUKE I'M TERRIFIED and cling to him and then start silently farking him when nobody's watching.

"Why do you wanna see that one? Why don't we go see one of those stupid little cheesy ones you like"

"I DON'T LIKE CHEESY MOVIES"

"FINE THEN. We'll go see the horror movie" Sasuke said that as if he never wanted to see the horror movie to begin with, when really, it was HIM who brought it up! HAR HAR HAR!

Naruto was all happy-lappy jumping jellybeans because he could finally fark his Sasuke out in public for everybody to know! YAY!

-MEANWHILE, IN THE WEE LITTLE LAND OF SOUND-

"Congratulations! It's a boy! " Zaku Abumi screeched like a firework.

Dosu Kinuta was like wtf. "Huh? "

"I dunno."

". . . .oh." Dosu couldn't believe he was about to ask this THING out to the movies. But he's a very courageous person. The fact that he carries "The Kitty", a man-eating pompom on his back that could devour him at any given moment, proves it.

"I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE GOING TO SAY. YOU'RE GOING TO TELL ME YOU LOVE ME. YOU WANT TO FARK ME. DON'T YOU! DOOON'T YOOOOU" Zaku said, as he made a gesture that plainly said LOOK AT ME I'M TOO SEXY FOR MY SHIRT.

Dosu was like wow. Not only is Zaku TOTALLY AWESOMELY GORGEOUS OMFG, he's psychic. "Well. . . .maybe I just want to take you to the movies. Will you"

"Well. . .I. . . .I. . . .I. . . . I. . . . ." his I's eventually turned into the Ort. . . ort. . . ort of a seal, but oh well. "OKAY! "

And so, they all were off. Sasuke and Naruto were holding hands like little weebushes, and Zaku was TRYING to hold Dosu's hand but Dosu has such big sleeves he probably he doesn't even hands! GAAAH! Anyway, yeah, they finally reached the movie.

IRONICALLY! THEY BOTH WENT TO THE SAME MOVIE! OH MY GOD WHAT A COINKIDINK!

Dosu was all "SASUKE-KUN" and he clung to Sasuke. But Zaku's like "WOAH WOAH WOAH WAIT A SECOND BACK OFF YOU CRAZY BITCH SASUKE. THAT'S MYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY DOSU."

And Sasuke was like ". . . . . . .I don't want him. You can have him. Just get him off me"

Even though Sasuke JUST plainly said that, Naruto never listens and freaked out on Sasuke. "SAAASUKEEEE HOW COULD YOU I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME AND YOU SAID I'M YOUR SEXY BITCH! HOW COULD YOU CHEAT ON ME WITH ZAKU" and Naruto went running crying into the bathroom like an angsty teenager. Or. . . .twelve-year-old. Whichever you prefer. Because I know some people like to imagine them a little more grown-uply when they fark. But I don't. Twelve-year-old sweaty mansex is good.

And yet Sasuke felt guilty. So he chased after him! Arms flailing! Mouth gaping wide open! But then the authors realized that was really scary so they made him run normal.

Sasuke found his lover in the bathroom, trying to flush his own head down the toilet as an attempt of suicide.

"NARUTOOOOO! NOOOOOO! If you keep doing that I'm not gonna fark you."

Naruto immediately pulled his soggy head out of the toilet. "Okay! I'll stop" But now he was all wet.

. . . . . . . . . Naruto was wet. Sasuke got a pickle. AND A NOSEBLEED! ALL AT THE SAME TIME! CUZ HE'S A HORNY MANBITCH!

"Have no fear DUN DUN DUN DUUUUUN" yelled Zaku, who just so happened to run into the bathroom with Dosu too. "I SHALL DRY YOU OFF" And with his magical zankuuha powers, NARUTO WAS DRIED OFF! LIKE A BLOW-DRYER!

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" Sasuke angstily screamed. "YOU RUINED HIS WETNESS! NOW WE DON'T GET TO HAVE WET SWEATY MANSEX! Let's take this outside." And he pounded his fist into the wall like BOOM.

Zaku's like "I don't wanna fight sgtsdftgkosd;iawerf;oskz;rjlastrles! I just wanna fark Dosu"

Dosu was like wtf. He was an innocent naiive little ween, so he didn't like to talk about farking in public! Well, NEWSFLASH DOSU! EVERYBODY WANTS TO FARK YOU! SO UUH!

"Here, here. It's alright, Sasuke. I'll get wet for you later. I'll use the soda that we buy for the movie. Don't fight! Let's just go! " Naruto said.

"FINE." the angry Sasuke fined. "BUT I'M ONLY DOING IT BECAUSE I LOVE MY SEXY BITCH."

And so, the four of them decided they would just go and become one giant group-date. But before they left the bathroom, they heard two people farking in the wheelchair stall, thus they went to see who it was because they're curious about people who could give them good farking ideas.

Only to find that it was Gaara and Lee! They all (excluding Dosu cuz he's a funkeh chunkeh monkeh) screamed OMFG! Who would have EVER known! GAARA AND LEE!

"It cannot be! " a random curly-mustached French guy said as he was using the urinal.

"UUUNNNHHHHH" Gaara moaned while Lee went all Austin Powers like "YEAH BABY YEAH. DO I MAKE YOU HORNY! I PUT THE GRR IN SWINGER BABY."

SasuNaruZakuDosu decided this was a little creepy. And that it wasn't fair for them to have to watch no-eyebrows and super-eyebrows farking each other, when THEY COULD BE. So they all ran into the theater, with soda and popcorn, and began to enjoy themselves. Literally.

Except Dosu. Who's the normal one. And just wanted a hug or two, but NOOO. Zaku's like "REWR! FARK ME BABEH FARK MEH" and so he ended up having to be farked because Dosu is the uke in this fic, for some reason. DOSU SHOULD BE THE SEME. But he's too normal. And boring. And Zaku's so sexy it hurts Dosu so he just gives in and lets the sweaty mansex devour him! Within ten seconds they were all naked on the floor of the theater, rolling around in the soda that Naruto had spilled everywhere while farking with Sasuke.

"Uhhnhn! "

Then while Sasuke was uhhnhning, Naruto realized something. THREE OUT OF FOUR OF THESE CHARACTERS WERE ORPHANS! Dosu could be an orphan too, but we don't know for sure so we'll say he has a rich little mansion atop a hill with lots of happy parents. Like TEN happy parents.

SO ANYWAY! Once Naruto realized him, Sasuke, and Zaku all had something in common, they went all THREE-WAY hot sweaty mansex!

Dosu felt left out. His lubber had abandoned him so he just kinda sat there lonelily and watched the movie while the others farked eternally amongst the pepsi-cum mixture. . . . .that's really gross.

Then he realized. . . .he couldn't be a good boy anymore if he planned to get anywhere in this world! He needed to get down and FLOW!

So he ripped off his bandages that should have been ripped off earlier when he was farking with Zaku but you're not supposed to notice that cuz it's a plot-hole. "LET'S DO IT, ZAKU! YOU DON'T NEED THEM" He burst into song. Grease song. Like "YOU BETTER SHAPE UP! CUZ I NEED A MAN! WHO CAN KEEP ME SATISFIED" He pulled Zaku up from the theater floor, licked his face, and began farking him while standing up! Joy!

Naruto and Sasuke blinked for a moment, then shrugged and went back to farking each other.

At that moment, Gaara and Lee came into the theater at last. They had had enough handicap-bathroom-sex for one day. Now they wanted theater-sex. They walked casually down the aisle and picked the seats next to SasuNaruZakuDosu. Note that "casually" is a metaphor for "nakedly". They were butt-naked, except Gaara had some hot fudge and whipped cream smeared all over him.

"MY BURNINGLY PASSIONATE HEART PROCLAIMS THAT WE SHOULD ATTEMPT. . . . .VERTICAL YAOI" Lee shouted at the top of his lungs.

Gasps escaped from SasuNaruZakuDosu at the fabled words "Vertical Yaoi". Vertical Yaoi was a legendary stance used only by the best-of-the-best at manfarking, namely Kabuto and Orochimaru. It was nearly impossible, and involved having hot sweaty mansex literally ON THE WALLS!

"Yes. That is what we will do, my beautiful green beast of Konoha" Gaara agreed. So they covered themselves in a sticky substance and placed themselves on the movie screen. Screams erupted from the audience at the fact that this great Oscar-winning movie was being blocked by the Vertical Yaoi of Gaara and Lee.

"OHHH LEE I'M GONNA FALL OFF THE SCREEN SOON" Gaara grunted in between mouthfarks.

Okay, the audience was now kinda freaked out. Everywhere they looked was FARKING! GaaraLee Vertical Yaoi farking on the screen, SasuNaru plain-out farking on the floor, and ZakuDosu stand-up farking in front of the door that was their only source of escape. (It was a freak movie theater with one door JUST so it could be blocked by yaoi. )

Everyone in the movie theater committed suicide except two yaoi fangirls in the theater whose names happened to be Val and Lexie. They were laughing like Woody Woodpecker. Like "hahahaHAHA! hahahaHAHA! HAHAHAHA"

"Sasuke. . .stop a second" Naruto groaned. "I don't feel so good."

"WHAT IS WRONG, MY SWEET SWEET BITCH" Sasuke asked eagerly, hoping it was some sort of illness that could only be solved by farking. As if those kind of illnesses exist.

"I. . . .I gotta go to the bathroom for awhile" Naruto mumbled, as he staggered through the ZakuDosu standup-faking taking place in front of the door. They moved over a little to let him get through, cuz he was their homie.

Sasuke waited for his lubber to get back, cuz he's a nice patient little sexfiend.

"I FOR SOME REASON HAVE THE NEED TO ACCOMPANY NARUTO TO THE BATHROOM" Zaku announced, as if the world cares. "STAY PUT, DOSU-CHAN. I SHALL RETURN." So he zoomed off to follow Naruto.

Sasuke and Dosu just kinda existed there awkwardly. They didn't have their lovers with them. They felt a tad lonely. So Dosu edged over closer to Sasuke. And Sasuke edged over closer to Dosu. And then, one of those magical moments happened. . . . .they farked each other senseless! YAAAY!

"DOSU I NEVER KNEW YOU WERE SUCH A MANWHORE" Sasuke chuckled.

"OH SASUKE IF I HAD KNOWN YOU WERE THIS SEXY BACK WHEN WE WERE ASSIGNED TO KILL YOU, I WOULD'VE FARKED YOUR PASSED-OUT LITTLE BODY GOOD BEFORE YOU WOKE UP AND WENT ALL UNICORN ON ZAKU" Dosu chuckled in return.

They farked the night away. Til finally, Naruto came back with a happy little blush on his face, accompanied by Zaku at his side.

"Congratulations! It's a boy! " Zaku announced.

Naruto held an adorable little babeh boy in his arms. Nobody asked how Naruto was capable of having a baby because nobody wanted to know. They just crowded around him all gleefully to look at the new baby. Everyone was thinking "You should name him Sasuke Junior" until they got a look at the baby's face. _It was a cross between Naruto and Kankurou._

Everyone was all like GAAAAASP. Not only was this the ugliest friggin baby they had ever seen, IT WASN'T FROM SASUKE! IT WAS FROM KANKUROU!

Sasuke's mouth flopped open. It wasn't his baby! Naruto had been cheating on him!

There was an awkward silence, before Naruto broke it with a laugh.

"HAHAHA JUST KIDDING" And with that, he shoved the Kankurou baby back up his ass. "This is for later when I fall in love with Kankurou at age forty-nine."

He pulled a new baby out of his ass; an adorable baby Naruto Sasuke cross. Everybody went "Awwww" and giggled sweetly as if Naruto hadn't just shoved a live baby up his ass to retrieve this one.

It had been a wonderful day. Everybody said goodbye and gave each other warm hugs as they left the theater full of dead audience people. This had been the best group date ever!

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And that's that. An awesome fic from the minds of two screwed-up eighth-grade girls. Heheheh.

Review please! >>


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